LOVE.hate.4lettersGOOD.4lettersbad.
I don’t know why I’m posting this blog after reading the category “Romance & Relationships” but I’ll do it anyway. LOVE…its been too long since I’ve “loved” somebody or ANYbody in that way. Even though I’ve said “I Love You” to certain people, I don’t remember the last time I said “I Love You” to ANYBODY.
But ever since I finished my college life this past year, I started thinking a lot about relationships & love & marriage & so forth. I don’t “need” a girlfriend but I have been feeling kinda lonely lately especially when I see people with their better half. I don’t know, maybe cause I just recently turned 21 a few months ago & its like “Dude, you don’t have a girlfriend yet?” STFU & mind your business!!! LOL not that I’m in a rush or anything but I have met a lot of new people this year & I guess I’ve “dated” but I haven’t really been looking for “the One”. Don’t get me wrong I would love Love LOVE to find her someday but doesn’t “LOVE” unexpectedly find you?
I don’t know…I’ve enjoyed the single life for awhile & maybe for too long but I’m just afraid of getting hurt again. Yeah love hurts & it sucks getting heartbroken but I meant I’m afraid of getting cheated on…AGAIN. YES I SAID IT. & I’ll put it out there.
“I LOVE YOU” is 8 letters but then again so is the word “BULLSH!T”.
Maybe that’s why I have been enjoying the single life cause I just don’t want to get played like a fool again. They say “only fools fall in love” so I guess I fell but it wasn’t love that I fell into; more like a web of deceit. So that’s what I fear…but LOVE takes work right? So I guess I just gotta wait to find that woman who’s willing to work with me…my ride or die chick haha. I’ll look but I can only see so far so maybe she’ll find me half way around the world…
Anyways…I have been told that I’m a flirt but the thing is, half the time I don’t even realize I’m flirting. I’m an unintentional flirt? Yeah there are times when I do flirt because I’m trying to get her attention but to the woman who feels “creeped out”, I’m sorry if you feel like I’m flirting “too much”…again it’s unintentional & I don’t mean to lol.
Another thing I noticed about myself is that when/if I do become interested in somebody that I really like, I tend to fall…TOO quick. Maybe because I just miss the feeling of being loved & needed & having her there who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. The feelings have to be mutual but it sucks when you’re the only one feeling it & not the person you feel for. Yet you feel like you still have a chance when in reality, she’s just not interested (anymore?).
& REGRET is a word that does not exist in my vocabulary because everything happens for a reason. My past heartbreaks are just lessons that I had to learn from. Hopefully I know better this time, & that I know enough to be aware of what I’m doing wrong. But you can’t be prepared for a relationship. You just gotta go along with it & just hold on for the ride.
I’ve read some books on relationships & dating but can you honestly follow those “tips”? Can you really tell me that type of advice is true? Cause if you put into a relationship what somebody else wrote for you, then is it YOUR relationship or the author’s?
Hmmm it’s been awhile since I’ve posted an actual blog since I usually post up poetry but this is one I felt I needed to write. I just don’t like trying to hide my feelings when I know later that it might come back 10000 times stronger. I’m lost in love & I’m still trying to find my way but I’m hoping that when I do find my way, I won’t be alone this time. So for that special someone, whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope we find each other someday but until that day comes, maybe you’ll read this. Or not. I gotta Find a Way to Find Away…
